Sunday Devotions: Advent Adventure

As Christians, we sometimes believe that God will do things our way, when we want it, and however it suits us.

Take for instance the Pilgrims Fathers, or the Mayflower People, whatever you want to call them. On this day, in 1620, they landed at Plymouth Rock. They were a bunch of impractical Christians, who believed that God was telling them to go to the New World, to escape religious persecution in England, and plant a new colony where they could freely practice their faith.

Can you imagine what happened in Heaven when their prayers were being said? Let’s say an angel takes their prayers to St. Peter.

Angel: Sorry to bother you, St. Peter, but we’re just receiving prayers from a religious group who are looking for God to bless them on a special journey.

Peter: Why do they want to do this?

Angel: They feel that they’re being persecuted and need to find a new place where they can start their own community.

Peter: Oh, so they’re Separationists. They don’t want to remain in the Established Church that we’ve been working on for over 1600 years. Okay, where do these troublemakers want to go?

Angel: To the New World, sir. They think that it will give them a new start.

Peter: A New World? Has God created a New World? Why wasn’t I told about this?

Angel: No, sir. It’s what they call America – all the Europeans think it’s a New World.

Peter: But that’s across the Atlantic Ocean. How are they going to get there?

Angel: On two boats. One is called the Speedwell and the other is the Mayflower.

Peter: Well, if it’s journeying mercies that they need, you should take this over to St. Christopher. He handles all the travel arrangements.

Angel: We tried that, sir, but he says that this is bigger than he can handle.

Peter: Oh I understand, you need me to get involved because they’re traveling on the sea. Being a fisherman, I know what it’s like to sail through choppy waters. Did I ever tell you about the night the Lord invited me to walk on the water during a storm?

Angel: Yes sir, many times. But I’m afraid that this group is going to need more than you or St. Christopher to help them out.

Peter: Why?

Angel: Well you see, sir. They want to set up a community, build their own cabins, grow their own food, make their own laws, and remain healthy, become wealthy, and stay strong.

Peter: That sounds reasonable. When do they want to do this?

Angel: About December 21st.

Peter: IN THE MIDDLE OF WINTER! OY VEY! You’d better take this one all the way to the top!

(c) John Stuart 2008

Stushie is the writer of the four minute daily devotional, Heaven's Highway.

How to Be a Perfect Pastor

This is an old Beliefnet Joke of the Day, and I'm sure parts of it will ring true for many of you. As the daughter of a pastor, a lot of these sure sound familiar to me!

How to Have a Perfect Pastor

A recent survey has compiled all the qualities that people expect from the perfect pastor:

Results of a computerized survey indicated that the perfect pastor preaches exactly 12 minutes.

He frequently condemns sin but never upsets anyone.

He works from 8 a.m. until midnight and is also a janitor.

He makes $60 a week, wears good clothes, buys good books, drives a good car, and gives about $80 a week to the poor.

He is 28 years of age, but he's been preaching for 30 years. He is wonderfully gentle and handsome.

He gives himself completely but never gets too close to anyone to avoid criticism.

He speaks boldly on social issues, but must never become politically involved.

He has a burning desire to work with teenagers, but he spends all his time with senior citizens.

He makes 15 daily calls to parish families, visits shut-ins and the hospitalized, spends all his time evangelizing the unchurched, and is always in his office when needed.

Warning: Irreverence Ahead

Since we're still looking for an experienced pastor and an elder to lead discussions/Q&A on occasional Fridays (hint hint!) I thought I'd post some Friday humor this week.

Many of you are probably familiar with The Onion, America's Finest News Source. The Onion is a satirical publication, entirely fictional, frequently hilarious, occasionally offensive, and always over-the-top.

But did you know that there's a similar publication for Christians?

LarkNews.com: A Good Source for Christian News is just such a place.

Feeling cynical? The website is always good for a laugh.

This week's headlines include:
Third Day, Superchick involved in most polite band feud ever
NASHVILLE, Tenn. — Third Day and Superchick have become involved in what appears to be the first Christian band feud.
It began when CCM magazine ran comments by Third Day frontman Mac Powell who said he "expected more" from Superchick’s latest release.
"I’m just saying that as a band we’re praying that they will reach their full musical potential in Christ," Powell was quoted as saying. "Don’t get me wrong, their music is great. But we wonder if it could be just a little bit better."

While you're visiting the site, be sure to take the EQ (How Evangelical Are You?) quiz. (It turns out that I'm "Backslidden" this week. I wonder if that has anything to do with the Sunday School class I'm preparing.)

In conclusion, are you familiar with the comedy duo God's Pottery? If not, you should be! Their performance in the "Yo Mama" competition on Last Comic Standing earlier this summer was . . . inspired. "Your mother is so pretty. . . " There was no way for the other the guy to compete against that!

(Since I linked to that video clip, I have to register my disapproval of the "short bus" visual joke NBC thinks is so hilarious.)

Presbyterian SNL (Sermon Night Laugh)

Alright folks. People say that we Presbyterians are very somber, too serious, and totally unhumorous. Let's show them that they're wrong.

Here's a scene from Iron Man with John Calvin viewing the movie. Any captions come to mind? Any Biblical quotes or Institutes illustrations? Only one rule: keep them clean.




If enough people respond, we could set up a regular contest. Now to get back to my sermon...